Linear view vs. Masonry View

Tag Archive for ‘grief’

Suddenly

Suddenly

suddenly
in the middle of
the everyday
I miss you
like a punch in my gut
the pain spreading
in every fibre of me
thought I was 
okay
passed all stages
of crisis
out on the other side
okay
but it never goes away
the missing of you
then I feel you near
placing your hand
on my shoulder
telling me 
I'm in a good place
okay
I'm okay

You learn to live with your scars, ha de Gött!

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I wish

I wish

I wish I could
make new pictures
make new memories
I wish I could
hear a brand new clever pun
hear a loud laughter anew
I wish I could
see fingers over ebony and ivory
see fingers over guitar frets
I wish I could
turn time right back
turn things on track
I wish I could

To my youngest son. He should have turned 24 today. Forever missed.

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Magic

Magic

Yesterday it was two years since we had the burial ceremony for my son. My sons piano teacher Christer, who is also a church musician, posted a video of my son Edvin when plays Claire de lune by Claude Debussy at age 15. So many times I’ve heard him practice this on the piano but he never allowed me to record it. Even if it was hard to see his fingers move across the keys these gems he left for us in his music somehow makes it easier to cope.

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Playing

Playing

play mates
forest and water
swirling down the hill 

in an whimsical stop and go

water push trough 
forests attempts to hold back
its friend 

float along 
branch and stick
see where it goes 

to the noisy roaring ocean wind 

freeze a moment in cold north wind
rippling to birds accompaniment
and treetops whooshing

till we meet again

Stay in the moment, ha de Gött!

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Guitar

Guitar

Picked up, his guitar today
wrapped my hand around its neck
slide my fingers along the strings

Picked up, his guitar today
scuffed up frets from his music
finger tips on his favorite chords

Picked up, his guitar today
the weight in my lap
heavy, as my silent heart

Picked up, his guitar today

Cherish the music in your life, ha de Gött!

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Autumn colors

Autumn colors

tone from green
yellow and red
gust chilly wind
gently single down
birds formation fly
far away land
left behind
on the ground
fade and dry
yellow parchment
wind tossed
in shorter days

I wrote this to the autumn, inspired by the colorful leaf. Forming the words, I realized it was about me being left behind. Some days you just feel like a fading leaf, ha de Gött!

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Introductions

Introductions

Introduce yourself, that short, get to know.

Introduction to start of a training course or workshop.

Meet up with people you don’t know before.

Your name, company, your job and for how long.

Extracurricular activities and interest, not a problem.

But then.

Wife and two children, oldest 23 and one year left at university.

Studying to become high school teacher in Swedish and history.

Still quite easy, what next.

Youngest son should have been 21, but last year passed away.

Make everyone feel uncomfortable, but…

He’s still my son forever in my heart.

Never mention him, as if he never existed?

Pretend he’s still alive and at his second year at university.

But he will never be a computer science engineer.

His ash is in an urn.

Grief throws many punches in everyday life. Specially in situations you don’t expect. This needed to come out.

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The handle

The handle

  • Photo by Ulle Haddock
  • Photo by Ulle Haddock
Grab the handle
Open, take charge
Enter the unknown
Leave open
Creaking hinges
Forged with fire
Handle on the future

Pictures from a windmill close to my home. Stay tuned for more pictures and the story. Hope you like, subscribe and comment on my amateur poetry and pictures. Ha de Gött!

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