Tag Archive for ‘Life’

Mother

Mother

I became an orphan when I was ten years old but I was fortunate to come to a loving foster mother. This is a homage to her. Her name was Anna and she took me in as her own child and gave me that unconditional love only a mother can give. To the point where I lost my birth mother my childhood was messy to say the least. I lost my birth father to the alcohol even before my mother died. I was a broken child when I came to her but she mended me and healed the scars. Even if there are still some I struggle with.

They lived on a medium size family farm outside a small town in Halland, Sweden. Anna and her husband. They got married when they were quite old, around 45 years, so they did not have any children of their own. This fact I think was a great void in my foster mothers heart. I came to them to just stay a few weeks over the summer. As a part of a program the major cities have in Sweden for children from low income families to be able to go to the countryside. I felt so welcome I wanted to stay with them forever and so it was decided by the social welfare authorities.

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Anna had two sisters and came from a house on a cape in Laholmsbukten. She grew up in the 1930:ties and 1940:ties under simple conditions as the oldest sister. Her mother Hulda was the only remaining sibling of five. All they other four older siblings emigrated to USA. She started to work as a maid in her early teens and after a few years in Malmö she attended household school. She did not meet Mr Right so she started to work as a health visitor. Helping out in homes where the mother was sick or when giving birth. She did this until she met her husband on a dance many years later.

Missing out on having her own children she gave her love to her sisters children as they were growing up. She took them with her on her holiday trips by buss all over Europe. She really loved to show those pictures. Anna took lots of pictures and she had a very special style to do it. You know this was long before the cell phones or even digital cameras. There was actually a film that needed to be winded forward before you could take the picture. Another history lesson. She asked everybody to parade and then she carefully aimed. The aiming part could take up to a minute and then she clicked while taking a step forward. Even so all pictures were sharp.

She was a really good cook and made everything taste amazing with just peppers and salt. Her brown sauce was always very tasty. She made traditional Swedish dishes, pancakes, meatballs and brown beans. She could also bake cakes. On every birthday party or Christmas there was at least seven varieties of small cookies, two soft cakes and cinnamon buns. Then came the cake. Strawberry and whipped cream with a marzipan rose on top. Getting hungry?

She took really good care of me and made sure I was safe. Standing in the kitchen window watching as I cycled to the school buss one kilometre away. Calling in the morning when I slept over with a friend to make sure I was okay. If I felt sick I could stay in bed and she bring me breakfast and comics to read. I must admit I held that thermometer under the lamp a few times just to be taken care of like that.

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She also made sure her family took me in and they really did. I never got to meet her mother but it feels like she accepted me as Anna’s son also. At the age of 16 the authorities asked if they should help me move to my own flat but I felt so at home so I stayed on until I was 25 and moved away to another town for work.

When I got children of my own they never called her anything else but Grandmother and I think this was my way of giving back to her. Having her own grandchildren. She is forever in our hearts and will not be forgotten as long as my sons are alive. They loved her the same way I did, unconditionally, like family. I owe her so much and when she passed away some years ago in cancer I cried my eyes out. If you lost your mother you know the pain. I lost two!

In loving memory Anna Johansson, born Elofsson.

Speed

Speed

Why does everything need to go so fast today?

We drive too fast on the roads causing accidents. Accidents puts everything to a full stop. Waiting for the emergency service. Lives lost, long recovery for the survivors. For what! To save a few seconds by overtaking old aunt McDonald.

Speedy car

Banging that keyboard in frustration waiting for that site to load. Now we talk about seconds! Chasing deadlines. It must be ready by yesterday otherwise we loose business. We must produce faster with less people. Why? To accumulate more money, to buy that second luxurious car or boat. Most money when you die win!?

Does this need for speed makes us happy? Or do we try to outrun the darkness? There are only two things that are absolute in our life. We are born and we will die. The amount of time between those certainties we do not know, fortunately.

Why do we like go fast? Is it only the need to get from point A to B as fast as possible? Do we seek the thrill in speed? So many sports has speed as the indicator for success. Not only motor sport but also sports like downhill skiing. The risk of getting seriously injured or even to die seems to attract many.

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Even a slow game like chess sometimes uses time as an indicator. Do we always need to appoint a winner? Do we bring this into our daily life where we compete to have a nicer car than our neighbor? If someone wins must there not be one or more looser?

For sure there are things that need speed. Saving that harvest before the rain, catching that train running on a timetable or emergency services responding to a call. But take some time to relax have a coffee or tea and just feel the world spinning, read a blog or a book. If your team does not meet that deadline the result might be even better!

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Music for life

Music for life

Do you have a song or piece of music that defines your life and you as a person, the tune that hits right in your heart and the text feels like you wrote it or was written for you? I think most of us do even if they sometimes change with your age. Being young that first love that did not happen or was broken will probably come close and there is oceans of song to choose from. As you grow older and life hits you in all directions the perspective changes and so will the songs that appeal to your being changes. For me, right now this song is from the great Swedish Heavy Metal band Mustasch from the album Thank You For the Demon the song All My Life. Check them out on http://www.mustasch.net/. The song start with “All my life I’ve had to cover up what others done” and what the band means by that is of course not the same as I read in to it but that very sentence sums up my childhood in a nutshell.

I grew up in a family torn apart by alcohol abuse and eventually my mothers suicide. In a very young age me and my brother had to take care of ourselves in the city suburbs. We had to take care of our parents when they were drunk and many time we had to leave during the night to stay at a relative in another part of the city. My brother had many friends and tried to stay away from the home leaving me to sort things at home. I will write more about this in my book.

The tree looks dead but harbor so much life!

Another band I like to listen to is Social Distortion http://www.socialdistortion.com/. They make me glad with their straight forward music and fantastic guitar solos! I recently discovered them through my son as we share the same music taste for most. Social Distortion has been going for 40 years and when they started I was also a punk rocker trying to start a band. They succeeded better than me. I was never very good at the drums even if it is not really needed playing Punk, but if you can somewhat keep the pace it helps the other band members. I had long curly hair that had its own mind on how to settle, so I never got to have the Mohikan hair even if I once tried to color it blue. The same color my foster parents got in their faces when they saw what I had done. Today I can really relate to the lyrics “Life Goes by so Fast” from the song “Story of My Life” by Social Distortion.

I must mention another favorite band Rammstein from Germany. I like how they disregards every convention in how a metal band should sound like and I am not really sure they define themselves as that. My German is even worse than my English so I struggle to understand all their lyrics and as they also play with the double meaning of words it gets even harder. At least my German has improved since I started to listen to Rammstein, Danke! The pyrotechnics when they play live is something else!

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I enjoy most types of music even if Blues, Metal and Rock are my favorites. I struggle to enjoy today’s mainstream pop and hip hop they play on the radio. For me it sounds pretty much the same and all sounds like a variant of a lullaby or nursery song only with someone wailing away instead of a loving mother softly singing. I also enjoy listen to classical music and fortunately for me my son plays the piano like a god so I get to listen to his songs everyday he is at home. He also creates music for video games or background for presentations.

So to quote one from ABBA “Thank You for the Music”! Thank you to all music artist, to many to mention, for the music I have enjoyed so far and thank you for still creating more. After all, a song lyric is a poem and even if the words not always makes perfect sense even to the writer someone will find a meaning when it comes together with the music as a unit.

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