Man cold


I have a cold, and all men out there know what I’m talking about!.

My wife just giggles and mumbles something about giving birth. But let me explain how it feels.

The brain suddenly feels three sizes too big. However a jolly gang of workers banging away with sledgehammers, pickaxes and shovels to reduce the size. They move around the head with a big old Steam Train going cathunk, cathunk. The train blows the whistle on every lap around the head stopping with screaming breaks at the station between the eyes.

The foreman realizes that the brain size is not reducing fast enough so he decide to use dynamite and C4! They all cheer loudly after the explosion and, since it was a good blast they do it again, and again!

The throat feels like a dessert but my nose is working hard to build up a flood to wet it. Unfortunately this flood clogs and block any attempts to get air though the nostrils. I’m gasping for air through the mouth with the result of sand dunes start to form in the pharynx.

The water missing from my throat has now started to come out of the biggest organ in the body, the skin, rivers and rivers of sweat. Trying to speak only to realize that the sand in my mouth now have turned into glue.

I try to get out of the bed but the guys working in the muscles has been called to the brain shrinking task force. Resulting in me crawling on all four like a baby to get to the bathroom. Every step, if you can call crawling that, feels like I’m a pincushion.

After slipping around the bathroom floor I manage to find my way back to the bed. Without getting lost in the closet. Only find myself in front of Mount Everest.

Trying to climb back into bed makes all the muscle guys go to their Union rep and complain. As they go on strike I fall asleep on the floor dreaming of demonstrations and rioting. Now the left and right side of the brain decides to start a civil war firing artillery at each other.

After what feels like forever I recover and the merry men in my head finally managed to reduce my brain size to fit the thick skull. The muscle guys however demands vacation due to the overtime. I stumble out to the kitchen just to find the To Do List from the wife!

Stay warm, ha de Gött!

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Categories: Life, WritingTags: , , ,

3 comments

  1. Poor old man!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ulle, this is brilliant: I laughed and laughed: my female friends joke about what a big deal we men make out of our colds: I have never seen one described so hilariously before 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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