Tag Archive for ‘Life’

Stroke

Stroke

A strange tickle in his left arm and side. Like the feeling when a part of your body is sleeping even if you are awake. He rationalized it with sleeping in a bad position. Sleeping poorly in the extra bed at his sons flat. He got up and made breakfast for him and his son. Sat down to work as his son went away to a lecture. The tickle did not stop and now he could feel it in his leg and his face. He tried to walk it of with a tour around the campus without any success. The school and work week was finished so they decided to drive the 150 kilometers by car to home. He drove out of the city and half way home. The son took over the driver seat after a lunch stop at a fast food restaurant on the way.

The call

The tickle was still there and now he started to be a bit concerned. So he went online with his phone to find information regarding these symptoms. Nothing fitted very well and as soon as he arrived home he decided to call a medical advice service. He was set on a long waiting time but he soon got to talk with a nurse. Half way through describing his symptoms she interrupted declaring she connected him to the emergency service and at the same time instructed them to call out an ambulance! Now he was spooked and surprised. The alarm operator told him nearest ambulance was thirty minutes away but an emergency doctor vehicle would be there in five minutes. The questions flew through his head. He was not sick. It was just a numbness in his left side. The doctor took an EKG to check his heart and gave him some pills that would make his blood flow easier. He told him that he suspected a stroke. A STROKE!? But he was a man in his prime age. Only 54 years old and very fit. It cannot be. No smoking and hardly any alcohol. It must be something else.

ER

Ambulance came but he did not want to go. Afraid to leave his autistic son alone before his wife got home. Finally he gave in but insisted to walk by himself to the ambulance. It started already in the ambulance. The probing and piercing. Afraid of needles? Try get a huge one stuck in your arm while the car is moving 100 km/h on winding bumpy roads. A nice chat with the ambulance guy before arriving the hospital an hour later. There the nurses stripped him of the clothes and left him in a thin gown. Not sure if this was part of the examination but he soon started to shiver of cold. Next test is patience, waiting, waiting. Oh, a doctor opens the door. Looks in her papers. Wrong room! A low rumbling breaks the waiting boredom. What is it? A helicopter with more patients? After a while he realizes that it is his stomach complaining over the emptiness. A new nurse comes into the room and wonders what he is doing there. Symptoms for the tenth time. The nurse answers with a frown the question when he can see a doctor. Soon!

Corridors

After a decade or so she enters the room and the symptoms are presented again. Now shorter and to the point. The doctor looks concerned and orders an X-ray. An orderly comes in after some more waiting. With a short nod he releases the breaks of the bed. He takes him on the most fun you will have in an hospital. The Bed Ride. Before your emagination runs wild. This means you get transported to an examination in an expensive machine in the other end of the hospital. The orderly was very skilled and avoided bumping in to the other bed traffic. The man was thinking the metal rod sticking up at the head end of the bed was not there for the drip bottle. No it was like the flags little children have on their bikes to be seen by cars.

He was already freezing when he entered an even colder room. Tocked in so he could not move his head. Difficult since he was shivering of cold. He was moved into the X-ray machine and the machine and his stomach competed over who was loudest. Out of the machine and the orderly rapidly pushed him back to the same room. He lost count of the lights in the corridor already after fifty something. The clock was close to midnight when the doctor came back and told him that there was nothing in the pictures of his head. That was RUDE! It was decided that he needed to stay to the next day for more exams and probing.

To be continued….

Plese like, subscribe, share and comment. Find out more from me here.

2020-10-22 1 12

Friendship

Friendship

Everyday with good weather he passed by the house. Walking or cyckling. With his black packpack. When she sat in the garden she saw him coming. Most of the times it was the dogs barking that alerted her. She waited for this moments. A small chat with the nice young man. There was something special about him, of that she was sure. At first he hurried pass with just a quick hello. But she wanted to know more so she tried to start a conversation with him.

She was long retired and lived on a peninsula and the house was at the end of the road. Passed her house was only a tractor path to the fields. Surrounded with water and cliffs this was the only way to the fields. On the fields there was sheeps grasing all summer. The dog was her only companion since her husband passed away several years ago. The house was a bit big but she enjoyed living there in the tranquility. Even so it soimetimes became a bit loonely so when somebody went pass her house she wanted to know who it was. Some of the summer houses in the area also had some break-ins. After that she took upon herself to check for outsiders.

So she was not letting this young man pass her house many times without knowing who he was. On the seccond or third time she stopped him and bluntly asked who he was and what he was doing there. He was very polite in his answers. The grandson of the local farmer at the beginning of the road. He came to sit among the sheep to practice drawing and painting. He could do that now due to the Covid-19 pandemic. The university was closed and all lectures was online. He even attended some out there in the green pasture.

As time passed that spring and summer it became a ritual and the days he did not come or she missed him she wondered what he was doing. She knew he would not come on rainy days as it was not possible to draw or sit with a computor in the rain. She really enjoyed those short conversations and he seemed to do the same. At one point he told her passingly that he was autistic and struggled with social interaction. She did not reall know what that was but she noticed that gradually answered with longer sentences. In mid August he stopped coming and she knew in her heart that something bad happened to her friend. Yes, she really considered him a friend.

By Ulle Haddock 2020. Please like, subscribe comment and share. Find more from me here.

2020-10-18 0 12

Missing

Missing

Missing the improvised tunes from the grand piano. Fingers moving with ease over the keys. The harmonies and mixes from psalms to Rammstein.

Missing the intelligent puns. The playing with words. In English and Swedish and sometimes both.

Missing the sound of the drums. Pounding away. Learning fast. Heal toe technique on the base drum.

Missing the walks in the forest. Picking mushrooms or just walking. Thinning forest with chainsaw and clearing saw. Working together.

Missing the keyboard clicks. Coding or mixing music. The sound of guitar strings. Then base guitar. Then piano. Click to record then sliding over the floor to play.

Missing working in the garage. Grinding and welding. Creating and mending stuff. Building that Cross Cart. Fixing the car Mulle Meck.

Missing going fishing or just having hot chocolate in the boat. Excursions to the small islands.

Missing that hug in the morning. The click on the remote to start the TV. Being your breakfast machine.

Missing my best friend.

Find more post from me here. Like, subscribe and comment.

2020-10-03 1 14

The Reunion

The Reunion

She had moved away and gotten married in southern France. Now he was on his way back from that long last reunion. It had been as perfect as he dreamt of all those years.

She was so beautiful as he remembered. Even if the years had put some fine lines around her eyes. But her smile. Her smile hit him like a hammer in the gut as she stood there at the train station in Marseille. He always thought that her smile could melt a solid rock. He was thrown back to a high school kid and his legs could not move. She waved. Still smiling but now with eyebrows frowned. Questioning why he stopped.

As the platform was almost emptied with people his legs finally started to function again. They met in a warm long embrace. He felt his whole body melt into her arms. He could not hold back his tears. They were tears of longing and time lost. She broke loose from his embrace and held his face in her hands. Those soft warm hands. With the thumbs she dried his tears of and gave him a kiss. He was unprepared so it was short. They looked at each other. Still with her hands around his face before they joined in a long kiss. A twenty year of waiting kiss. He could see it from the outside like in a movie. You know when the camera circles around and the song She with Charles Aznavour playing.

With a warm feeling inside he told this to the two young backpackers he was sharing train compartment with. He did not have to tell them this. They had only started some small talk as they realized they were from the same country. As the train pulled out of Paris Gare Du Nord he continued his story. The two youngsters listened with big ears and interested eyes. He decided to leave out the first night they had together as they arrived to her small Vineyard outside Marseille.

When he heard that her husband left her he had struggled with himself to dare that first letter to his youth love. The love of his life. Finally the longing got the better of him and he wrote. His own marriage was already over as there was no love. He wrote with the pieces of his shattered heart. The heart that broke when she did not returned after a year as au pair. He waited in turmoil for the reply. Lost several kilos as he could not eat or sleep. After a week he got her reply that he opened with trembling hands and sweat dripping from his forehead. He had to start over several times to finish as his eyes was blurred by tears of yearning.

He called in sick to work. Booked a train ticket and sent her a letter explaining when he would arrive. He was that confident that the feelings were still there. Confident that if they met the spark would burst into flames. Now he sat here telling his story to the two boys. Going back to finish of his entire life and move to the south of France. Move to her. She who shattered his heart now so gently mended it piece by piece.

Please leave a comment of what you think of this story. Like, subscribe and share. Check out more from me here.

2020-09-26 0 14

The Walker

The Walker

He came walking with small steps supported by a old peoples walker. It was a cold damp morning in December with temperatures just above freezing point. He walked towards us as we stood in the small shelter waiting for the tram to arrive. He was dressed in hospital clothes. Those thin trousers and loose hanging shirt covered only by a thin jacket. He did not appear to be bothered by the cold as he entered the shelter to check the board for arrival time of the next tram.

Tram (Picture by Ulle Haddock 2020)

As it was early in the morning there was a few minutes more wait than during the day. He leaned against the walker and breathed fast from the walk. We just stood there in silence waiting for the tram. As the tram approached he asked if we could help him aboard. He explained that these older type of trams was difficult to board due to the gap and the walkers wheels sometimes got stuck. We offered without hesitation to assist him. He looked at us with a big smile of relief.

We got on the tram and helped him get seated. I think he saw the question in our eyes so he offered an explanation. He was on leave from the hospital where he recovered from a small surgery to meet up with a lady friend in the city center. He emphasized that it was a lady friend. They plan to have coffee and then go for lunch before he went back. There was a sparkle in his eyes when he spoke about his lady friend. I guess there were deeper feelings involved.

As we approached the city center he asked for help again. This time to get of and change to another tram line as this one would not get him to his final destination. How can you refuse? We even waited to help him to enter the next tram. Luckily so because the driver tried to close the doors on him several times before a lady in the front shouted at him to calm down and let the man get on the tram.

We watched him as the tram drove off. Last thing I could see was that he was struggling to be seated and I hoped that someone else could help him. We crossed the tracks to our next tram taking us to our final destination. So the life went on but I sometimes think of this man. Was he on the run from the hospital? Should I try to call somebody? How has his life been? Did he have any children? Why was he out from the hospital alone?

These questions remain as hidden gems for a wannabe writer like me so I will cherish them and be thankful that I could be of any assistance, right or wrong. If you are bored with commuting, try to look at the people around you. They are stories that only they know and if you do not feel like talking. Just make the stories up, nobody will know. As always please comment, like, share and subscribe. You can also me out on social media or check my other posts. Both pictures in this post are made by me. First attempt to draw on the touch screen.

2020-09-20 3 11

Mother Natures Plea

Mother Natures Plea

Global warming and other alarming reports about Homo Sapiens abuse of Mother Nature hits us every day. Somebody needs to do something about it soon! We turn to our political leaders and blame the industry for the crisis. But what about us. You and Me?

Politicians, they are idiots only in it to get rich themselves, right. True in far to many cases but in most cases they are in it to make a difference for something they believe in. Ever so good they cannot do it without a mandate. This is even written in the Swedish constitution; “All political power stems from the people”. Many democratic countries has something similar. So if we want politicians to be able to change anything we need to give them that mandate. But this also means we have to take the good with the bad. Simply due to the fact that nobody thinks exactly the same way as you in everything. Unless you are married then your wife tells you what to think!

Okay but the industry and the large companies still are the biggest culprits. Polluting from their big factories and hoards of lawyers bending the rules. They also try to hold the politicians hostage saying that jobs will be lost if they make the wrong decisions. Guess what! We have the power also here! We are consumers. The first rule of business is that you have to fill a market need. That can, and is, done by aggressive marketing but in the end it is Our choice to spend our hard earned money on that particular product. Yes, I know there are many if’s and but’s here depending in how much you earn and what is available in the market. The moral obligation falls harder on those who earns the most.

Twisting and turning

For example buying a car. The first question you should ask is, “Do I really need one”? If you live and work in the city will public transport or a bicycle do the job? Second question is, “For what transportation tasks do I need the car”? Commuting and driving my kids to school and activities or moving very large rocks? Hand to your hearts. Do these questions really occupy your mind or are we more interested in having something bigger and better than the neighbor? Why else are the cities filled with large SUV’s. Putting low profile tires on really takes the argument of driving to the summer house in the mountains once a year out of the debate.

So we make many decisions every day and we need to vote for mother nature as often as we can. Short term and long term. I know it is sometimes hard to know what is the best choice but we need to seek out facts and question our choices. The storms, flooding’s, migration, and forest fires will effect You sooner then you think. Taking a quote from the Blues Brothers. We need you, you, you. You, you, you! Act before it is to late. Somebody is us!

Like (even if you disagree), share, subscribe and comment. Check out more posts from me here.

2020-09-19 0 7

Aftermath

Aftermath

It is now a month since my son died. Leaving a huge void in my heart and I miss him beyond words. I am trying to find a way to live on and keeping his memory alive. He was my best friend. Gifted with abilities to write music, both classical and punk rock. Highly intelligent he could code and did his own compiler when he was 16. We enjoyed nature as I have written in my previous posts. All this is stored in my heart to bring laughter among the tears.

Writing down words on a piece of paper or on a computer screen has been a good way of dealing with things in life. For the last month, even this has been difficult. I have “only” been able to write some poetry. I have started to write this text many times but had stop when the energy ran out.

When someone in your family dies you are not only left with grief and loss. There are also many practical things that needs to be done. Arranging a funeral or ceremony, close of accounts on the internet, cancel contracts and the list goes on. And even if this is hard, I feel that this helps dealing with the loss.

One of the hardest things was to clean out the student apartment. He had a very nice apartment at the Campus that is very hard to get. Every item carries a memory more or less and you need to decide to keep or get rid of. If you keep it. Where to store it?

The hardest part is to close everything of on the internet. My son had just started up a website to sell his music to games and films. The first thing I had to do is to try and stop all ongoing add campaigns. I think I managed to do that but then it got harder. For the accounts I had the logon credentials I managed most. You be surprised how many sites that does not offer an account cancel button. Next option is to try e-mail the companies, but you get stuck with a chatbot that cannot compute the fact the somebody died.

Arranging the funeral was easy as we got help from a funeral director. The church has played a big part in my son life as he played the church organ. Whatever your faith they are very supportive and helpful. My son’s own music was played in the speakers and ended with a recording of the Star Wars theme that he played on that organ at age 15. It was even easy to choose the headstone as my father-in-law found a stone shaped as a heart.

The Headstone

I hope you did not find this post too depressing, if so check out my other post for something more uplifting. We tend to be uncomfortable around death and grief but there is only one thing in life that is certain. We die. Fortunately we do not know when or how.

2020-09-17 0 10

Blues Brothers

Blues Brothers

Yesterday I sat down with my oldest son to watch a movie. He wanted to see the old classic, no cult movie, the Blues Brothers! This has always been one of my absolute favorites. It was released in 1980 so it is quite an old roll of film. I have seen it well over twenty times so I know it by heart, even if it has been some years since last time. I am really pleased that I have managed to transfer culture to my children!

So if you have yet to see it, available on Netflix, it is the story of Jake and Elwood Blues. The story is quite thin but it is really a song and dance film giving tribute to the Blues of the 60- and 70-ties. The legends parades through the film, Aretha Franklin, Ray Charles, John Lee Hooker to mention a few. The two losers are on a mission from God to save the Catholic orphanage where they grew up. To do this they need to raise $5000 to pay the property tax to Cook County. Scene is set to Chicago as a tribute to the city.

The story is quite thin but it is really about the music and the comedy. So if you like old soul, R&B and blues this film is a must. The car chases and the number of wrecked police cars are just incredible. One of the car chases takes place in a shopping mall! Being a comedy they stretch out the stereo types to the max. It is a big smile and a lot of laughs. Some of the song and dance numbers makes me think about Bollywood movies. What do you think?

Blues Mobile 2020

I wonder if would be possible with a remake? John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd plays the brothers but who would it be now? Then most of the blues legends are gone so would it be modern R&B and Hip Hop artists? Instead of Blues, Heavy Metal with Marvel characters? No best leave it alone. A Blues Brothers 2000 came in 1998 and was a big flop.

This movie is best to just enjoy and not to overthink or analyse. Even if Aretha Franklin sings “You better think! Think about what you do to me!” Well, makes me happy! Let me know your thoughts, comment, like, share and subscribe! Until next time I will take a tour in the Blues mobile!

2020-08-11 0 9

Changes

Changes

Today I spend some time doing research for a short story I started to write. It will take place in the history of the area I live in, Sannäsfjorden in Sweden. I have touched on this in some of my previous blogs so please check them out. The history of this area is quite rich so there is much inspiration to get.

Advertisements

Before you stop reading. I will not shoot kings and years at you. In school this was the worst part of the history lessons. All the kings, wars and the the years you needed to remember, deep sigh! No it is far more interesting to understand how normal people lived. When I walk around in the area there are many traces. Remains of houses, bridges or stone fences. I think about the men and women living here. Was life hard all the time or were they happy?

After the last ice age ended some 10 000 years ago the land rose slowly from the sea when the pressure from the ice was gone. As the land rose people came by boat and started to live here as the fishing was very good. The many rock carvings at Tanumshede tells us that people lived here for a long time.

Advertisements

What strikes me is that during the centuries there has been many changes. Periods of prosperity and periods of poverty. For the common people life has usually been hard. Since the Viking era there has been periods where the fishing has been very easy. These periods are called the herring periods. The herring came in enormous amount for twenty or thirty years just to vanish for eighty or hundred years. During the good years many moved here and the small communities grew rapidly.

As the herring period ended people was forced to find other ways to support their families. They moved inland and open up new farmland or tried to catch other kinds of fish. The herring was trapped close to the shore in large trawling like nets called “Vad” (I cannot find an English translation). The fishermen did this in small rowboats. From these entrapment’s the fish was scooped up in boats or sometimes directly to the shore. The fish was salted or boiled down to fish oil, train oil (also called whale oil even if not from whales).

During the last herring period at the end of 1800 there was a demand for the special red Granite stone in the area. The entire Bohuslän is covered with remains of the stone industry and the masonry. Many cities in the world has this stone in buildings and streets. The rock of poorer quality was also used for building roads and canals. The little village Sannäs was at its peak around 1900 with a population of 350 souls as the church book says.

Stone masons from around 1900.

Stone masons from around 1900.

Today there are only 57 full year inhabitants but a few weeks in the summer it reaches almost 300. Many of the houses built during the expansion during 1800 still remains but are now summer houses. Of the many stone industries only one remains.

Forgotten nail

Marks from nails — Forgotten nail

It is the circle of life. Nature seeks out the best condition to grow. Moves on when conditions change. As in the past people struggle to find a way to earn a living here but with modern communication it has become easier. Many commute to larger cities both in Sweden and in Norway. As the IT infrastructure are improved it is possible to work remotely. During this pandemic many summerhouses have been lit up.

I really struggled with this article as many of the words are local and not easily translated. As sources have used the book from a local historical group and their book “Sannäs – Ett Bohuslänskt Kustsamhälle” and my father-, and mother-in-law and Wikipedia.

Please like, subscribe, share and comment (or ask questions). Check out more from me on this site.

2020-08-04 3 6

Cows

Cows

A cow died today. It was laying there in the field. In a unnatural pose. On its side. Did not move when approached. Alone. She was dead.

Was she missed this cow. She had a calf. He missed her until another cow gave him milk. Alone in the field. Lying there in her unnatural pose.

The pack left her to drink water. Lowed to let the farmer know. Something was wrong. She was missed, it was not normal. Lying there in her unnatural pose.

In some religions a holy creature. I understand why. Majestic and calm. Feeding on the grass. Reuse four times. Milk and poo a natural pose.

Walk but seldom run. The majestic cows. In tune with nature. Considered to be slow on the uptake. But take it easy her natural pose.

A cow died today. The farmer picked her up with the tractor. Why did she die? A plastic bag in her throat or a bite from a snake? Ended in her unnatural pose.

Did the farmer care? She was insured, was she not? But a tear in the farmers eye. All creatures in his care are precious to him. Lifting her up from her unnatural pose.

Cows has been part of my life since I was a boy growing up on a farm. They are gentle creatures and brings calm to the surroundings. Was this cow I found dead in the field just a production unit in the farmers books. Or was she more than that. I think all living creatures are worth our respect and that is why I think she was worth this poem.

Check out more from me on my site. Like, subscribe, share and comment.

2020-07-31 1 15