Warning! This post some may find offensive. Parental or wife(al) guidance is advised.

You driving your car calmly down the road. You feel how you get more and more irritated. At first you turn to your wife and ask if she said something. As she only gives you the evil eye and the GPS is turned off, you realize it is something else.

Idiots! That’s it. You are surrounded by idiots who are incapable of driving a car. Did they pass out drivers licences with the breakfast cereals? Hand to your heart. Have you ever felt like this? Liar! I’m always the best driver around, right? So let me take you through some examples of driving styles.

“Same speed” style. Always 70 km/h regardless what the sign says. By Murphy, you always end up behind them on the highway where the speed limit is 90 km/h. Every time there is a straight road section you have oncoming traffic. Curves and hilltop when the road is free. Then it is there! The 50 km/h speed limit. But mr Same Speed (always a man) maintains 70 all the way through the village. You pass the village to catch up with him just in time for the next village. This guy can be found in any car make but Skoda and Renault are over represented.

The motorway or freeway can be boring but you can rapidly put kilometre after kilometre behind you. Well until you catch up with truck. Behind it is the next driver style. The “Slow down when in the overtaking lane“. They change lane just in front of you. Okay, after a long drive it can be good to stand up for a while but maybe not on the break pedal. While your red glowing breaks cools down and sulfur smelling words pour out of your mouth they slowly overtakes the truck. We talking several kilometres. When they finally turns back to the right lane, or the slow traffic lane. They now find out how to use the right foot pedal. Yes, I’m Swedish and we drive on the right side of the road and I know some of you drive on the wro.. left side of the road. Just change right lane to left lane. Skoda, VW or Kia is the preferred brand for these guys.

By now another type of driver style has appeared from behind you. “I have an expensive car so let me pass“. He is close behind you. We’re talking touching the towbar distance even if we drive in 120 km/h. In the rear, when they overtake, you see BMW, Volvo XC90 or Mercedes.

Wow! Let us calm down a bit and get off the motorway and the highway. We go into the city or a town where we soon meet up with “blinker, what’s that?” style. For a long time I thought that Mercedes and Audi did not have an turn indicator. Or it perhaps only was activated as the car actually turned, like most German car brands. So many people don’t know how to use the blinker but when you approach a roundabout the confusion is total. Some blink left until reaching the third exit. Most drivers refrain to use the indicator. After all you can’t see it behind the steering wheel. Some blink when leaving the roundabout.

I started off with the “same speed” style and like in physics, if there is a force there is a counter force. Surely we find the “speed up and break” style. This is worse on the highway or the motorway when driving with cruise control, listening to some good music like Social Distortion. It is almost always an old Volvo V70 or VW Passat. You catch up and passes, only to be overtaken a few kilometres ahead, when he changes to the right lane and slows down. Behind him he has been building up a long line “I have an expensive car so let me pass” style drivers. You are forced to slow down only to find out that “Speed up and break” again remembered what the right foot was supposed to do. This is repeated like a damaged record (for the younger reader please ask your parents).

Honk! Honk! Damn you I’m the best driver around!

Hope you like, subscribe and please comment. For those of you driving on the wro.. left side of the road. Please just change right to left in the text. Any car manufacturer want changes in the text, just send me an E-mail and I will let you know delivery address. Ha de Gött!