Archive for ‘Writing’

Five five

Five five

Yesterday I turned 55. Can’t turn the numbers around to sound younger anymore. Next time I can do that in five years when I turn six!? That would be fun to start acting like a six year old.

Some say, old people most, that age is just a number. In a way I can relate to that as I still wonder when I will grow up. But the hard reality is that, even if thew mind is young, the body starts to degrade. Even if you exercise much. Spend time climbing and walking in nature. You can feel how it gets harder to climb that hill or make that jump over a gorge.

Also your mind slows down and it is harder to learn new things. Like what emojis to use without offending anyone, or even find them. In most cases one can compensate with experience but in a faster and faster changing world it is getting harder. The brain needs practice to stay healthy, same as muscles so I always challenge myself to learn new things. In fact my motto is; “If you didn’t learn anything today, it was a wasted day” (sounds better in Swedish). I have not yet lived a day without learning something new.

Another annoying thing of getting older is hair. It leaves your head only to start growing in other awkward places. Your nose, ears, eyebrows and, I think I stop there. It is like the Elvis recording from Las Vegas when he’s laughing through “Are you lonesome tonight” where he sings. “When you gaze at your bald head and wish you had hair”. At least you save some money on shampoo that you can spend on nose clippers.

Another positive thing with age is that it’s okay to be grumpy and complain over modern music. You can sit there feeding the doves and complain over the young people walking by staring down their mobiles. Letting your flatulence go on the bus is more okay the older you get and since your nose is covered with thick hair you won’t smell it yourself.

Live long and prosper. Don’t forget to like, subscribe and comment, I put my glasses on to read them. Ha de Gött!

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Master chef

Master chef

My wife love to watch Master Chef on TV. I don’t know why because she rarely enters the kitchen. When the kids were small and I had to go away on a business trip the begged me, with tears in their eyes, to make lunch boxes. At one time I had to stay away for two full weeks. My wife then tried to do some cooking. She only managed to set off the fire alarm. From that day my, then nine year old, decided to do the cooking. She is a bit like the Swedish chef in the Muppet Show, if you remember that show. I can’t really understand what she say, and the kitchen is a mess. I suspect it is all an act, she is so much smarter than me.

Photo by Ulle Haddock©

Back to the Master Chef show. It started already in 1990 on BBC in UK, but has then been sold to over 40 countries. They broadcast some of them on Swedish TV. Master Chef UK, Canada, Australia, USA and Sweden. I sometimes sit down with my wife to watch but I get really stressed. The panicking music and the shouting, should be read with an Aussie accent “fouve minutes to goahh”! Start plating!

One thing that strikes me is the difference in the interaction between the contestants in the different countries. In Sweden it is very polite and tuned down. The critique from the judges is presented wrapped in cotton. I love Australian version, and the accent. The are all friends and “good on you, mate”. Really supportive and crying when somebody has to leave. The judges are still very sharp in their feedback, without putting anyone down. I like the Australian version best.

In the UK version the judges can give their feedback in a more blunt way. The contestants are very polite but the competitiveness shines through even if they keeping up appearances. The US version is really competitive and sometimes you wish they took away the participants knifes. It is much more back talking among the contestants. Much more about winning than developing to be able to become a professional.

They make all this fancy tiny plate dishes with strange names. Presenting them to the judges while the music builds up to a crescendo before the feedback comes. Relief or frustration, then a cut in scene with someone says they don’t want to go home. But, they miss their family! After the last cook down three wannabe chefs stands in a row to get the verdict while the background music is frantic. Builds up, builds up, wait for it, wait for it! Commercial break!

Back in the kitchen I do Swedish meatballs with spaghetti, semi-finished! I will never catch-up!

What about you, are you a Master Chef? Don’t forget to like subscribe and comment. Ha de Gött!

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The Windmill

The Windmill

The wind started to pick up. He looked at the clouds. The sun was breaking through as the clouds sailed past in the sky. Yes, this was going to be a busy day. As he walked up the hill he could see them coming. The carriages with grain filled jute sacks. Some had horses but mostly oxen. Even some carrying a sack on their back. As he approached the windmill there was already a line waiting.

He put in a big portion of snuff* under his lip making him showing his brown colored front teeth. He started to give orders to the farmers waiting in line to set the smock in place. On this windmill the entire top was turned to get the wings in the perfect position to catch the wind. Once in place he anchored it down and let the sail cloth out on the wings.

Now the wind picked up even more so he let the first farmer carry the sacks in to the mill. The mill had two parallel mill wheels so he could grind two types at the same time or just make it faster. After oiling all the shafts he released the breaks and the wings slowly started to turn. Today was good wind so they had to work hard to fill the grinders with grain and replace the filled sacks with ready made flour.

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The windmill of Ulseröd is just a few kilometres from my home. It was built in 1900 and was in operation until 1939. During this period new technology made it possible for the farmers to do their own milling. This together with the urbanization made the windmills obsolete.

The windmill of Ulseröd was saved from decay by Tanum Local Folklore Society and Havstenssund Community Association. A major renovation took place in 2013 to 2016. Basically a bunch 70 and 80 year old men were climbing the the wings to replace the wood, windows and paint. Find out more here (in Swedish). In my opinion, heroes saving this piece of history for the future. Well done.

*I think I need to explain as I understand the word can mean something else in English also. I refer to the special Swedish use of fine grind and wet tobacco that some put under the lip. Like chewing tobacco but it just sits there.

Hope you like, subscribe and comment. Ha de Gött!

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Roadrunner

Roadrunner

Warning! This post some may find offensive. Parental or wife(al) guidance is advised.

You driving your car calmly down the road. You feel how you get more and more irritated. At first you turn to your wife and ask if she said something. As she only gives you the evil eye and the GPS is turned off, you realize it is something else.

Idiots! That’s it. You are surrounded by idiots who are incapable of driving a car. Did they pass out drivers licences with the breakfast cereals? Hand to your heart. Have you ever felt like this? Liar! I’m always the best driver around, right? So let me take you through some examples of driving styles.

Same speed” style. Always 70 km/h regardless what the sign says. By Murphy, you always end up behind them on the highway where the speed limit is 90 km/h. Every time there is a straight road section you have oncoming traffic. Curves and hilltop when the road is free. Then it is there! The 50 km/h speed limit. But mr Same Speed (always a man) maintains 70 all the way through the village. You pass the village to catch up with him just in time for the next village. This guy can be found in any car make but Skoda and Renault are over represented.

Photo by Ulle Haddock©

The motorway or freeway can be boring but you can rapidly put kilometre after kilometre behind you. Well until you catch up with truck. Behind it is the next driver style. The “Slow down when in the overtaking lane“. They change lane just in front of you. Okay, after a long drive it can be good to stand up for a while but maybe not on the break pedal. While your red glowing breaks cools down and sulfur smelling words pour out of your mouth they slowly overtakes the truck. We talking several kilometres. When they finally turns back to the right lane, or the slow traffic lane. They now find out how to use the right foot pedal. Yes, I’m Swedish and we drive on the right side of the road and I know some of you drive on the wro.. left side of the road. Just change right lane to left lane. Skoda, VW or Kia is the preferred brand for these guys.

By now another type of driver style has appeared from behind you. “I have an expensive car so let me pass“. He is close behind you. We’re talking touching the towbar distance even if we drive in 120 km/h. In the rear, when they overtake, you see BMW, Volvo XC90 or Mercedes.

Photo by Ulle Haddock©

Wow! Let us calm down a bit and get off the motorway and the highway. We go into the city or a town where we soon meet up with “blinker, what’s that?” style. For a long time I thought that Mercedes and Audi did not have an turn indicator. Or it perhaps only was activated as the car actually turned, like most German car brands. So many people don’t know how to use the blinker but when you approach a roundabout the confusion is total. Some blink left until reaching the third exit. Most drivers refrain to use the indicator. After all you can’t see it behind the steering wheel. Some blink when leaving the roundabout.

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I started off with the “same speed” style and like in physics, if there is a force there is a counter force. Surely we find the “speed up and break” style. This is worse on the highway or the motorway when driving with cruise control, listening to some good music like Social Distortion. It is almost always an old Volvo V70 or VW Passat. You catch up and passes, only to be overtaken a few kilometres ahead, when he changes to the right lane and slows down. Behind him he has been building up a long line “I have an expensive car so let me pass” style drivers. You are forced to slow down only to find out that “Speed up and break” again remembered what the right foot was supposed to do. This is repeated like a damaged record (for the younger reader please ask your parents).

Honk! Honk! Damn you I’m the best driver around!

Hope you like, subscribe and please comment. For those of you driving on the wro.. left side of the road. Please just change right to left in the text. Any car manufacturer want changes in the text, just send me an E-mail and I will let you know delivery address. Ha de Gött!

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Stonemason

Stonemason

They worked together. Two of the them swing the sledgehammer on the iron nail while the third man held the nail. He held it with two hands and turned it a quartz turn with every blow from the hammers. They took turns working the hammers and the nail. There was a special rhythm in the hammering and sometimes they busted out in chanting or even singing.

Photo by Ulle Haddock©

Now and then they stopped to drink and to look for cracks in the rock. When the hole was deep enough they started with the next. And so the days went on. When the holes was ready they turned to Alfred Nobels invention. The dynamite! It was gently put into the holes. Before igniting the foreman checked that nobody was in the danger zone. With his deep, but loud voice he shouted “Eld i berget” (fire in the hole), lit the fuse and gently walked away.

The foreman walked up as soon as the blast went of to see the result. All the worker followed a few steps behind. They were smoking their pipes and chat with each other. A few meters before, the foreman suddenly stopped. Raising his hands backwards as a sign to stop. The babbling stopped and everybody quickly turned around to walk away. One dynamite was not exploded! A bucket of water over the hole with the undetonated dynamite defused the situation and soon the work could be resumed.

Photo by Ulle Haddock©
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It is not often I see these drilled hole still in the granite rock. It triggered this little story. The stonemasons work was hard and dangerous in the turn of the century twentieth century. More about this in the post Changes. Hope you like, subscribe and comment. Ha de Gött!

The Blacksmith

The Blacksmith

It was a bright sunny day, warm with a cool breeze from the sea. With a pleased smile he looked at the men helping him. His business had been good and he gotten a good reputation as blacksmith. Specially skilled in making wheels. Even with his simple farm smithy and tools he was known to get the iron wheels perfectly round. Now he could expand and build a larger forge with better tools. With all the good fishing and the stone masonry in the area requiring forged tools to operate, he saw a bright future.

Photo by Ulle Haddock©

The top corner stone was put into place and his friends helping him took a step back. Wiping the sweat from their foreheads while the beer bottle was passed around. There across the field he saw his young wife and the maid approaching with dinner. Yes, they could afford a maid he thought to himself with a pleased smile. His three friends grunted happily when they saw the food coming. He went to meet his lovely wife to relive her of the burden. Her belly pointing straight up. Not long before their first child would arrive.

After the stone walls were done they started on the wooden roof. The work went fast and before nighfall the red roofing tiles were in place. The furnace he would do himself during the evenings. This skill he had from growing up and working in his fathers brickyard. The area was full of them as the clay was perfect for making bricks and roofing tiles.

He placed the last tile and climbed down from the ladder, just in time for his friend to start playing the accordion. Thier bodies was tired from the hard work, but full of joy and satisfaction over what they had acomplished. Now this joy bursted out in singing and dancing, fuled by some beer and liquer. Soon the neigbours joined the party and the dancing became more civilized. He held his wife around her waist as they walked back to their small house. Halfway he stopped and turned around to look at his new workshop. The youngsters still dancing and singing outside. He kissed his wife on the cheek and said, this will make life good for us.

This story is fictional, inspired by the collapsed building in the pictures. I like to think up stories of the things I find in my naturewalks. Check out more of my stories here. Hope you like, comment and subscribe. Ha de Gött!

A Christmas Tale

A Christmas Tale

There was a whole bunch of children chasing him. Throwing icy snowballs. He was running on the asphalted walkway, filled with spots of ice and that black sharp pebble gravel. He slipped and fell on his hands a knees again. He had lost his mittens and by now his hands were full of those little black stones mixed with blood. The knees was the same, trousers all torn. He could feel the pain with every step he took. As he lay there on the asphalt, he waited to be bombarded with icy snowballs. His pulse running so high he could no longer hear the children behind him, screaming and calling him names. Everything was wet and on top of it all, he pissed in his pants of fear.

To his surprise no ice balls were coming. Nobody came up and showed snow in his face and down his neck. Now he could hear the screams of his tormentors, but something had changed. It actually sounded like they were screaming in fear. He looked up and saw a pair of legs in front of him. Next to the legs was something that made him stiff with fear. A walking stick with a metal point end! He looked up with his wet eyes and saw the face of The Troll!

Sketch by Ulle Haddock©

He really hated children and the children’s neglecting parents. He fought for them. Twice he went over there as a volunteer. First time he froze three toes of in the cold. Now he was stuck with this stick and unable to run. If he just could get a hold of those children. He would teach them a thing or two with his stick. At least he could keep them at safe distance with it. Second tour he was severely wounded by splinter from a landmine. Lucky to be alive the doctor said. Lucky! Now he had to live in this hell hole with screaming children that made the constant alarm in his head even more painful.

Now he stood here looking down on this little child, maybe six or seven years old, laying there in the wet sludge crying his eyes out. He almost ran into him before he fell. Most children kept their distance, so he was a bit surprised. That was until ten or fifteen older children came screaming around the corner. He was quite pleased that they stopped as they saw him. Knowing they called him the Troll, he raised his cane and they turned around screaming. The little boy slowly got on his feet. Looked up at him with fear in his eyes. The old man saw the blood on his knees and hands. He grunted and looked up at the many windows on both sides of the path. Nobody looked out, nobody was missing this crying boy.

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He looked at the boy and asked with a grunt where he lived. The boy pointed at the apartment complex across the street. Well go on go home then he said. The boy tried to take a step forward but the pain in his knees stopped him and he fell again. With a long sequence of cursing he lifted the boy up and over his one shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He started walking while cursing. He only stopped to ask if anybody was home at his apartment. No, sobbed the boy, but I got a key. Somebody needs to take care of your wounds the man said, between the cursing.

The boy was to scared to say anything when the Troll carried him home to his apartment. It smelled like an old mans apartment and the smoke was thick as fog even if they just came in. He was sat down on the only kitchen chair. He sat there wiggling his legs in fear while the Troll grunted and cursed while he messed around in one of the cabinets. He came back with a first aid kit. The boy recognized the red cross and the text in Finish stating this belonged to the Finish army. To his surprise the Troll handed him a chocolate bar with a low grunt and what almost looked like a smile.

Photo by Ulle Haddock©

He carefully cleaned the wounds from all the small sharp black pebbles. Every time the boy sobbed the Troll grunted a curse word. Carefully he put some plaster on. Don’t you like chocolate, he asked the boy. The boy answered with a tiny voice that, yes he did. Go on then, eat, he said and nodded towards the chocolate bar. Struggling a bit with all the plasters the boy managed to open and started to eat. He broke of a piece and offered to the Troll. Now he was sure it was a smile in the Trolls face. He grunted again. Now lets get you home, I’ll walk you.

The boys tormentors stood silent. Watching at a distance when they walked the two hundred meters the the boys door. Half way the boy slipped his hand into the Trolls hand. First he pulled away but the boy persisted and finally he let him grab the hand. They stopped in front of the door and the Troll grunted, spiced with some swear words. Off you go, turned and started to walk away tapping his stick hard onto the asphalt. Mister, the boy said! The old man turned around and found a boy hugging him around his waist. Okay, okay, he said and gently pushed the boy to the door. As he walked back home he had to wipe some dirt from the corner of his eye.

Even if this story has a bit Dickens flavor it is based on a true story from my childhood in suburbs of Göteborg in the seventies. Hope you like, subscribe and comment. Merry Christmas everybody. Ha de Gött!

Runaway

Runaway

She always stood out just for her different color. Not that the others picked on her but nobody else looked quite like her. Maybe that was why her mother treated her differently. Shielded her from the others. That just made her more rebellious and determined to go her own way. She soon found out that she had a couple of followers. They just followed her around even if she did the craziest things.

What’s in the bag? Something for us? Photo by Ulle Haddock©

Soon she found the enclosure to small and tried to find ways to escape together with her two friends. The farmer was not to pleased when the neighbors called and told her that her sheep was in their garden eating the flowers. So what, she had a thing for pretty flowers. Well not to watch, to eat. Roses was especially good. The trick was just to avoid the thorns and that, she was really good at.

Okay, I’ll eat the boring grass!

After several escapes from the pasture they were sentenced by the farmers court to spend their summers at an island in the sea. She tried to swim but her legs and feet were to thin. As soon as the wool was wet it weighted her down. The only thing they could say was baa, as loud as possible! It only took them a few days to explore the island and then it got a bit boring.

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One day people came with a boat that they could jump onto. The humans screamed when their feet made marks on the polished boat decks. After kicking and pushing them off the boat they went away really fast. A really tasty pick-nick basket, especially the basket was the price.

Next time was a family in small boats, kayaks, that put up a tent. It was quite tasty even if they had some belly-ache for a few days. The kayakers also went away reel fast. People are strange. They get red in their face when you eat their stuff!

They soon realized that it was best to stay out of sight until the boat people set everything up and then surprise them. Like the couple sunbathing without any fur. Screaming they went into the water. Tasty towels and swim suits even if it was not much. She was now queen of the island!

Queen Bruno. Photo by Ulle Haddock©

Find more pictures of the runaway sheep here. Hope you enjoyed this little story then don’t forget to like, subscribe and comment. Ha de Gött!

The Bitch

The Bitch

With a cigarette in his mouth and one hand on the wheel he drove north. Cursing the never ending speed limit signs. The lump of discomfort cramping in his stomach would not go away. He took a big sip of the booze he had in a bottle at the passengers seat. As he drank he could see her in the rear view mirror. God, how much he loved her. Sometimes he thought he loved her more than his wife. She looked up at him with her wet pleading eyes. His beloved bitch.

He had her since she was just a little puppy. Trained her to become the best hunting dog he ever had. All his mates envied him for his star. She could track down any game and drive in to shooting distance. Find any bird even if it dropped in the water. She had stamina and could go on for hours even in deep snow. Now she lay there in the backseat of his old Opel convertible. Tongue half way to the floor, watching up in anticipation. She knew that when he took her alone in the car they would go hunting.

He cursed again at a speed limit sign and took another sip from the bottle of booze. Quickly wiped away the beginning of a tear in his eye. He thought of the rifle in the trunk. It was a really good but expensive rifle he bought just before his second son was born. He remembered the cold look he got from his wife that could freeze hell.

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He could barely manage the narrow road down to the cabin. There was nothing left in the bottle and the last kilometers he had to use up the entire road. In the backseat the dog was going wild and barking as she recognized dirt road to the cabin. Cabin meant hunting and running free. Not stuck with a leash she had to wear in the city. As soon as he opened the door she rushed out barking, jumping and waiving the tail. When he took the rifle out of the trunk he was crying like a baby.

The dog stood a few meters away and looked at him. Waiting for his command. She was a bit puzzled when he didn’t act like normal. He dried his eyes, lifted the rifle, aimed and squeezed the trigger.

This is based on a true story and is the continuation of the post Bite. Please let me know your thoughts, like and subscribe.